Landscapes of a Writer

    I want say a few words about what is going on in the inner landscape of my writer's being as well as the outer world of my novel - The Last Daughter of Prussia.  During these last weeks, I have been riding a personal tsunami. It has crested inside me with emotional turbulence only to fall away again like the breakers on the reef in front of my terrace here in the Bahamas.

Waves breaking in the Bahamas. 

How far away East Prussia seems from these shores.

     It is quite something to have finished the manuscript I've been working on for so long. I've been living with my characters for years, shadowing them through both intimate and dangerous situations, talking to them daily, even discussing their destinies in my sleep. And now, suddenly, they are not with me in the same way.

    Couple that loss with sending out query letters to unresponsive literary agents who have no idea who I am or who my characters are, and you have the recipe for despair. Now, add a pinch of not having a gripping project to work on and you have an empty soul bowl which seems to fill up with a river of salty tears and the repeated question: Why did I decide to write that book? Did I waste all that time?

      I'm beginning to think however, that these must be the in-between places when we find ourselves poised between an old reality that has passed away and a new reality that has not yet fully formed. Not comfortable – at least not for me. In fact, it feels quite chaotic. But then, in chaos there is transition. It reminds me of Nietzsche's quote, "You must have chaos to give birth to a dancing star."

  The central question then becomes - can I stay in the chaotic void long enough for something to unfold? Well...truthfully, I'm not so good at that. Nevertheless, I'm learning. I've been trying to learn this kind of patience throughout my entire life. And although it has been a challenge (it always is - no matter what my issue) I am becoming more and more curious and slowly, I'm beginning to expect miracles in the uncertainty.

  So that's where I've been.

  And now to the good news.

  

This is me in February of this year,  holding my manuscript in a prayer circle of like-minded, conscious women friends.

I truly feel that I have written what I was called to write. I have told my ancestors story.

Now I trust the universe to guide the book into whatever final shape it takes.

 
    After weeks of sending out query letters, I was approached by several agents who wanted to read the manuscript, who have it now and who seem to think that the story has a place in the world. But even more exciting is the fact that I am in discussions with a publishing company - one that is run by two amazingly conscious women with high ideals and integrity and whose mission statement is: "to raise awareness, compassion, and inspire engagement through the power of stories."

  This is like a breath of living air for me, a new heartbeat because I feel that any project we undertake in life needs co-creative support. So, having said that, I am beginning to believe that the next phase of the manuscript, by that I mean a book with pages and a cover, is commencing.

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